Three. Two. One.. Type!

One of the most hardest question to answer:

“Describe yourself ?”

University interviews, job interviews, daily conversation with a friend or relative and so on. Sometimes, this seemingly easiest question in the world could leave you question yourself even more. But hey! Everybody’s different and so am I.

Being a first born as well as growing up in an Asian family, it can feel pretty stressful at times. You’re always expected to be responsible, reliable, resilient, structured, smart and so on. Probably that’s where I got my OCD. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and grateful being the eldest daughter/sister but at times I wish someone would just hear me out. I could be over-exaggerating, but no matter what it is I am extremely thankful to be blessed with both parents whom I respect and love most and also two younger sisters whom I can be crazy with and of course, pour all my love into.

I’m a person with a few words if we’re still strangers but I’m not the intimidating type, pheww… Once you know me, I can be pretty crazy. I’m quite easy to please and not very picky. I’m super against people who do not respect others because I firmly believe everyone has the right to be respected. I love family gatherings, arts and crafts(detailed works), cooking, anime and fitness. Often find myself lost in thoughts. Other than that, I’m just your average girl =).

Here’s to the start of my daily ramblings so hope you’ll bear with me till the end, folks!

Be a voice, not an echo

Homesick

3 months of holiday passed by in a blink of an eye and here I am back to cold and rainy Dunedin. It has been raining for the past few days and people around me have been sick. And as expected, my sister and I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose on a Friday morning. All good, though. My grandma taught me a recipe or two for occasions like this. Grandmas are the best, don’t you agree?

Then again, seems like homesickness is an old friend of mine. It never seems to leave me even after being independent(partially) for almost 7 years. I’m really grateful for those who created internet and most importantly Skype, otherwise I would have to wait for a year or 2 until I can see my family! It is definitely a struggle to keep up with life when I’m missing home so much. Both my sister and I looked like zombies for the first few week back in New Zealand! Finally after 3 weeks of waiting, the technicians finally came and set our internet up! We were trying to save as much mobile data we could to Skype home. I guess that paid off =D.

With internet problem done and dusted, my latest worries would be my research. I got paired up with a very high demand and bossy partner. Please pray that I will be able to survive till the end. Maybe being partnered up with her is not a bad idea since I have to learn to voice out my opinions. Being bullied in the past sure does not help with my confidence level but I need to start somewhere, so might as well start it here.

Hm, I guess everything is hard before it becomes easy. So we’ll take one step at a time to reach that part. Until then, I’ll be thinking of the pumpkin sago dessert that my grandma and I made pretty often during my 3 months back in Malaysia. My grandpa loved it too, he kept requesting for more. So for now, I will keep the happy image of my grandparents and parents enjoying the dessert I made for them in my head until the next time we head home again.

There’s no shame in being homesick, it means you come from a happy home

Heartburn

Have you ever had something that you wanted so badly that you could cry just thinking about it? We all have our own desires and our reasons behind it. For those of you who are brave enough to go for it, I really applaud you for it. I, on the other hand is too chicken to do so.

What I really wanted most since 15 years ago until present is to go to Japan and because of that I started saving money by working 3 jobs. They’re not heavy jobs though, only light ones like lab demonstrating, dental assistant and staff at a child car center. It can be pretty stressful at times since I am studying while working. Since I’m so passionate about going to Japan I thought it would be worth the pain.

Upon completing my Undergraduate degree, I wanted to take a gap year off of University before continuing my Dent course. I was planning on going to Japan to teach English as one of the JETS program teacher. After applying for JETS and undergone a phone call interview as well as Skype interview I got accepted. I was on cloud 9 for about a week until I told my parents, only to be shot down. Then last year, my friends and I were thinking of going to Japan for a month. Everything was going smoothly until the same thing happened.

Sometimes I do get jealous of my friends who get to travel freely in and out of Japan. I mean, Japan is where I really want to visit more then anywhere else. As much as it frustrates me, I have to accept the fact that it will be financially hard on my parents. However, I do wish they would acknowledge how much I’m dying from the inside. From what I see, the JETS program was something useful as life and working experience, not only can I interact with Japanese people but also learn more about their culture while working. It almost feels like they don’t trust my decisions or listen to what I have to say. For now, my wish to visit Japan is like just a mere dream. It’s so near but yet so far.

I’m on the hunt for who I’ve not yet become

 

High School Days

7 years. That’s how long since I’ve last stepped into my high school after graduating. Can’t say that I don’t miss it because I still do deep down, but I do have mixed feelings about it. The high school that I went to was not my first choice to begin with. In my hometown, it was one of the best in terms of education which was why my parents sent me and my sisters there. This afternoon, I received a text from my best friend, Joyce who wanted to get a her documents certified by our former principal. So, she got me to go with her and of course I said yes.

As we were walking up the staircase towards the ground where we used to walk, laugh, cry and studied to death, this feeling of nostalgia came surging back into my head. It felt like it wasn’t too long ago when I first walk into my high school and officially calling myself a high school student. High school was not all bad. There were bad times but there were also good times which I cherish most. Personally, I think high school is the time when I realize who really matters, who never did and who always will. Joyce is one the very example of friends you can trust wholeheartedly and share secrets to. A lot of us still keep in touch through Facebook which I’m thankful for but some just disappeared. Little things like sending parcels from class to class on special occasions, being close friends with the teachers and feeling of relief from not failing a paper makes everything enjoyable back then.

I’m always thankful to have wonderful friends surrounding me throughout high school, because believe it or not I would not have survived since I was constantly targeted by school bullies. Being called names, shot by water guns, pushed down the staircase and so on, it was all so painful. It was partly my fault because if I had told my friends, teachers or my family, it would have stopped immediately. At least that’s what I thought. But looking back, I have to thank my bullies because if it weren’t for them, I won’t be standing tall and strong today.

Basically, my high school life almost resembles a drama club. Always lots of drama but it was educational and entertaining. Even though my former high school was not my first choice, I’m glad I went in because I’ve learnt a lot from it and I wouldn’t have reunited with a long lost friend, otherwise.

High school taught me more life lessons than actual education

Late Night Talks

Family gatherings, one of the activities I look forward to each year.

Coming from a diverse background we celebrate Christmas, Chinese New Year and also Harvest Festival. All these festivals come with lots of laughter, games, and bonding time. What I like most during bonding time is the experiences shared over the table by the grown ups to us younger generations. We would sit around the table and talk hours and hours till past midnight. Sometimes the aunties would talk about their childhood struggles and how they walked miles and miles to school every morning. Then the uncles would talk about what troubles they got into when they were in school and how they helped with their parents business but still remained top in class.

I also love it when they talk about places they have traveled, particularly Japan. If anyone in the family would start talking about Japan, I could stay up late talking about it forever. I have never been to Japan but I am in love with their culture and the country itself. While they’re at it, I would always silently plan my Japan trip in my head with the hopes of really going there someday. Friends who know me long enough would know how serious and desperate I am to go to Japan.

To sum up, spending time with the grown ups and talking heart to heart is really something I appreciate because not only can you learn something from them, you can also deepen your relationship with them and who knows, they might suddenly plan a whole family trip to Japan if they see how desperate I have become =).

Time spent with family is worth every second